So, I've got a lot to say right now. Lots to say that I've tried really hard to say as little as possible to anyone but my a one single person, because at least when I say it to her, I don't actually have to say it.

First, I think that the best friendship I've ever had in my life is completely falling to pieces.
He likes me, and for months and months I've been telling myself, and everyone around me that I DON'T like him back. And on top of all of that, my best female friend, happens to have a huge crush on him. It's basically your typical love triangle. Recently turned into a square. Because He has a girlfriend now.
I suppose I should give all of these people names... so here I go.
Me =, well, "me,", obviously.
He = Shawn
Best female friend = Anna
Girlfriend = Mandy
None of those are their real names.
oh. I should give my "one single person" a name too, since she plays a big part in all of this. I'll call her.... Ella
So basically, Me, Shawn, Anna, and Mandy (omg this is awkward) went out for Shawn's graduation. While we were out, Shawn was always with Mandy, and I was always with Anna, it was like we'd formed mini groups. And it never even dawned on me that Shawn might Like Anna, due to the simple fact that, though Anna may be completely head over heals for Shawn (and he doesn't notice), she clings to me like I'm life support whenever we're together.
But then a few days later, Me and Shawn were hanging out and he tells me that he really likes Mandy. And I am nothing but happy for him! And for myself, because, as I said earlier, he likes (liked?) me, and when I found out he liked Mandy, I felt so off the hook! Like I wasn't going to have to break Anna's heart when she realized it like everyone else in my life did (Ella, my other friends, my parents, ect.) And I wasn't going to have to hurt Shawn when I told him that I didn't return the feelings.
So when Shawn asked Mandy out, and Mandy said yes, I was so happy for him!
So Shawn told me all about this, and as I told him how happy I was, he told me that I was the only one he'd told about him and Mandy, he also told me to keep it a seret. He also hasn't told anyone else about them since.
I thought it was weird, so I told Ella all about it. She told me that she thought that shawn still liked me, and was using Mandy to make me jealous. I didn't believe her.
Then today, everything worsened ten-fold. I told my dad about it all, because my dad was one of those people that I confide in, and cherish the advice I receive from. And what happened? He completely and utterly agreed with Ella. I hadn't eve told him what Ella said, and yet he repeated it, except with more depth, and in a way that really drove it into my soul.
"Stop denying it, Katie! Shawn likes you, and you like him." He said. And though I totally saw the part about him liking me coming, I hadn't expected the part about ME liking HIM.
"No I don't!" I said. He dropped that msall part of it, but continued to tell me that Shawn definitely likes me. I groaned. I'd finally felt home free after months of spazzing, and wondering what to say to Shawn if he ever decided to ask me if I liked him or something along those lines, and now after I'd JUST felt free of the burden, my dad picked up the 10,000lb sack and threw it right back on my shoulders.
"I like Shawn." my dad says later in the day. "He's a nice kid. He'd be good for you."
I roll my eyes and tell him I don't like Shawn.
"You're in denyal. You like him, and he likes you, and the only thing that's stopping you from at LEAST admitting it to yourself, is Anna. She may be your best friend, and you may care about her, but she shouldn't matter when it comes to this."
I'm dumbfounded. I say nothing and my dad walks away, going bac to his work, giving me time to think about this. Honestly, I haven't TRUELY considered whether I like him or not. Mostly my thoughts were consumed by Anna's and Shawn's feelings. Rarely my own. but now as I stand in my dads office all I can think about is the "He's be good for you" part. And I think of all the ways that it's true. Shawn is nice, funny, smart, and probably the only friend besides Ella that I've ever had that I think actually cares about me, and how I feel. I don't even get that feeling from Anna, how ever much we may have in common, or however much we hang out. I just don't. But Shawn is all of those things and more. He's the type of person you just want to hug and squeeze when he'd down because you can't stand to have them sad. When ever I'm around him I smile... But the last to I can chalk up to something else.
I feel that way about everyone in my life
and I get the same feeling when I'm around Alex (made up name), a guy that I work with, because when I see him I think of how funny he is. It's probably the same with Shawn.

So do I like Shawn, or are these just signs of an amazing friendship that's being pushed into something more by the people that surround us. Does Shawn REALLY only date Mandy because he wants to make me jealous? Or is he totally over me? Maybe he never liked me to begin with! Maybe saying "Ilove you" all the time, laughing at nothing, wanting to be around me all the time, and that whole thing that happened at my sister's party (long story) meant nothing at all except that he embraces is friends like they're everything?
But what am I supposed to do! Now everyone has m feeling like I might just like him, and if I do, it'd ruin mine and Anna's friendship, and even if Anna was out of the way, there's Mandy.

Help me v_v



Oh, and I'm saving my second problem for another day. Just typing THIS has taken a lot out of me